Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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