So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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