i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
