We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
