he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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