Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
