it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I faked an abortion last night.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
