Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
