It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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