like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
