youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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