He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
