Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
