Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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