you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
