I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
