i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
