That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
