i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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