Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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