Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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