Do you still have your period?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
