PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
