if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
