I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
His nipple licking is glorious
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