i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
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You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
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The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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