i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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