What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
