Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
