We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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