when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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