he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
