Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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