Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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