I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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