how can u be prego again
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
