Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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