Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
