You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
