If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
we're so committed to being not committed
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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