If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
