dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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