This is not my ceiling
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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