he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
