they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
