this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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