i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
