I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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