Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
