look no pants
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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