Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
