you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
