Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You smell like stripper and shame
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
