I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
