im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
