One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
