I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
