people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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