i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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