he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
