i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
