I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
