I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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